THE TIME SPEEDILY COMETH!!
The guy who runs the internet cafe is listening to American music that I'm very familiar with, and I'm feeling totally innocent singing along, because this is my second-to-last day. At six o'clock when we go out to work, I promise my mind will be completely focused on the gospel. But for now, all untrunkiness is being thrown out the window. I am excited beyond words.
But before I get SUPER trunky on you, I'll tell you all about this week.
First of all, Hna. Goimarac and I broke our companionship record and met our daily goals five days out of seven this week. It wasn't quite the 7/7 we were aiming for, but it was much better than our average 2/7. We found some amazing new investigators, had great lessons with our progressing investigators, and did lots of contacting. Hna. Goimarac is set up for success after I'm gone, and I feel very accomplished for having done so well my last week.
I've been getting lots of sweet letters from Paraguayans this week. A girl from Villa Hayes wrote to me to thank me for changing her life just by being her friend when she felt friendless. That, along with little cards and pictures given to me from the Primary and other Concepcion friends are making me very emotional and feeling very very blessed.
I've been taking TONS of photos (don't you worry) and saying lots of goodbyes and trying to capture the best and sometimes the worst of Paraguay to try and share with you later. I've been doing lots of things for "the last time"--last Sacrament meeting, last member-given lunch, last trip to the grocery store, last time starting to read the White Handbook from the beginning in companionship study...
I got a pedicure from our investigator Leida so that we could get a lesson in with her (she's so busy working, giving people manicures and pedicures, that she can never share with us). It felt awesome and my feet look pretty and I feel like a girly girl for the first time in over a year. :)
Gladys and her daughters decided that they're not waiting for Juan Angel to quit smoking anymore. He hasn't shown much progress despite his love for the gospel, and so they're getting baptized without him. This Friday. I can't accurately describe to you how painful it was to have to tell her that I won't be there. Why couldn't I leave only THREE DAYS LATER? :( If I seem a little bummed at around 3:00pm on Friday, now you know why. I may have to photoshop myself into their baptism photo. That's basically the only recuerdo I wanted.
But anyways, no regrets. Today we had so much fun with the Elders. We got ahold of a Concepcion tour guide, who took us to an Indian Monument not too far away from our area. It was pretty cool, but we were bummed that we couldn't go up into it and see the view (it's closed for renovations--it was built in the 60s and basically hasn't been fixed up at all since then, so it would be dangerous to try and climb it). Apparently it used to be a communications tower during the Chaco War, but when the war ended they turned it into a tribute to the native Paraguayans.
Then when we expressed sadness at not being able to go into it, the tour guide revealed that she could let us into the giant Virgin Mary statue in the middle of the city. We had no idea that was possible, so we excitedly took her up on that. It was awesome. The view was spectacular. It was the perfect last P-Day activity for me--to get a good long look at this city I've come to love so well. The tour guide is going to e-mail me the pictures she was taking of us the whole time (how crazy that she can e-mail them to ME so soon!), and now Hna. Goimarac has lots of things the tour guide can take her and her new companion to do on future P-Days. We were all very happy about the whole thing.
Sorry, this e-mail is already getting long, and I haven't even gotten into the trunky talk yet. But I have to mention one more thing. Today when we were buying groceries, I noticed that the cashier was pretty quiet and seemed really bored or bummed about something. I wasn't feeling exactly peppy, either, buying groceries for only one more day in Paraguay, but I felt impressed to say something nice to her. So I said, "I like your earrings. They look great on you." She was like, "Huh? Oh. Thanks," then went back to ringing up the groceries of the lady behind me in line. I just went to get my stuff together, not thinking anything more about it. Then when we were about to walk out the door, one of the store employees came up to us and said, "A gift from the cashier." She handed me the very earrings I'd just complimented! When I caught the cashier's eye across the store, she was smiling at me very warmly. I mouthed "gracias," with a huge grin on my face. I don't even have pierced ears (yet) but I felt so great inside knowing that I'd brightened somebody's day and it had been appreciated. That's Paraguayan love for you.
*Sigh* I'm still dying very happy despite not being able to see the Meza family baptized. I know that I've done all that I could as a missionary, and now the Lord needs me somewhere else. It's a very, very difficult emotion to describe, having my heart torn two ways like this.
Hna. Goimarac and I are both very intrigued by the fact that I'm not a perfect missionary, despite having been practicing at it for 18 straight months. I still have to work very hard in each lesson. I don't know guarani very well, and I still mess up in Spanish every now and then. I kind of expected that by the time the mission ended I'd just float around like an angel, blessing lives with little effort, being perfectly fluent in the language. But I'm not. The conclusion I draw from that isn't that I just didn't work hard enough; it's that I've been a perfect missionary from Day 1. God never expected me to be flawless, but He's given me opportunities despite my shortcomings to share His gospel since the day I left the MTC. It's still very important to practice and study and work hard, but as long as we follow the Spirit, we're always perfect missionaries. It's not about skill, it's about faith.
And I definitely HAVE improved a ton, trying to be a perfect missionary. These have been the best 18 months for my life. I needed to learn the gospel as much as my investigators. I needed to learn from the Paraguayans possibly even more than they needed to learn from me. By becoming a part of their lives, I've shared what I know and also learned what they know. The way they live by their testimonies, the way they make things work despite their poverty, the way they face challenges with faith...I'm never going to be able to forget them. They've become a part of me. I feel like the greatest convert I've created is MYSELF.
I was so naive at the beginning. I had no idea about life or the gospel. I kind of shudder to think of how lame and shallow those first few e-mails home were. I don't really want to re-read them. :) Now I know what Paraguay is REALLY like, and I'm going to love it forever. God took everything that I knew away--the luxuries, the technology, the free time--so that I could discover the beauty of the world and discover who I really am and can be. I've had to rely on the Spirit and on my own spiritual strength to get through these last 18 months, and I've become so changed by it.
My greatest challenge when I get home, I think, is going to be applying what I've learned here. I feel like these last 18 months were just a training period to get me ready for "real life," and now I'm going to be left to my own devices. No companion constantly at my side. No daily planners. No perfectly-scheduled mornings centered on gospel study. At least, not quite in the same way. I like routine, and I like studying tranquilly in my apartment every day, and I like the surety of every day here on the mission. I may not know exactly what's going to happen, but I always know what I'M going to do--contact, teach, help, and work my tail off. That won't be quite the same when I get back, and yet it SHOULD be. This is going to be my test--showing the Lord that I learned the most important life lessons and that I'm going to serve Him forever.
I can't believe how excitedly I counted down the days during the mission. Now the days are gone and I'm so confused as to where they went. It's SO HARD to say goodbye. I'm still in shock. I really feel like I have two places to call Home now. My heart will always belong to both, and while it's a joy to go back to one, I'll miss the other so badly.
I was comforted by D&C 133 this week. I loved verses 57-59, about how the Lord sends the weak things to "thrash the nations." I definitely am a weak thing, but I've never felt stronger nor more important and needed by the Lord in my entire life. But I promise to continue spreading the Word and doing all that the Lord requires as faithfully as I have here in Paraguay.
I also liked vs. 15, and 3 Nephi 21:29. The Lord prepared everything for my success before I even got my mission call. I always trusted in Him to lead me towards happiness. Now I also have to trust Him to be my "rearward." I'm scared to leave my investigators and converts in the hands of other missionaries, but I know that the Lord will continue nurturing the seeds I've planted. He's got my back. I can safely leave Paraguay behind, unworried. At least, I'll try.
But my absolute favorite verse today is D&C 130:2. I know that if I make it to the Celestial Kingdom and all of my Paraguayans make it, too, we'll be friends and neighbors and siblings FOREVER. That has given me an incredible added drive to my goal to achieve celestial glory. I want to see my Paraguayans again. Many of them don't have internet. None of them have mailing addresses. I may never see some of them ever again, even if i do manage to make a trip back down here someday. But I know that the same sociality that exists here on earth exists there in heaven, tambien, and that I WILL see my wonderful Paraguayan brothers and sisters again someday. I'm going to do all I can to deserve that privelege to see them again.
I'm going to miss it all in the meantime--the flowers, the trees, the milanesa sandwiches, the random weather, the river, the friendly culture, the simple living habits, the frogs... everything.
And I'm going to miss all of your letters, especially. Thank you SO MUCH for all of your letters. You have no idea how much that meant to me. Hearing from you and receiving word of your love and support got me through some hard days. Thank you for being faithful and loving and selfless. I've missed you all so much, but I'm glad I got to see the Lord's promise to me fulfilled--that you would all be okay while I was gone. I know that He is aware of me, and that He's aware of all of you, and that He's aware of all my Paraguayans. Every single moment of this mission has been a gift from Him, and I know that the future holds just as much joy, if I trust in Him to guide me right even in "real life." I know that the Church is true with all my heart, and I promise all of you that I will NEVER turn my back on it. I will NEVER do anything that I wouldn't want one of my investigators to do. After obeying and trusting in Him so completely these last 18 months, I can honestly testify to you that that's the only way to go. He has it all in His hands. Our own strength, our own desires, our own opinions won't get us anywhere if we're not aligned with His will. I know that this is His Work, not mine, not Pte. Monson's, not Joseph Smith's. Our Savior lives. He guides His church today. His gospel is true. It's meant to make us freer and happier than we can even imagine. I know, because that's how I feel right now after having applied it to my own life and helped others apply it to theirs.
I love you all. I'll be seeing you very, very soon.
---Hna. Springer (soon to be just plain "Carly")
"Tomorrow we'll discover what our God in heaven has in store. One more life, one more day, ONE DAY MORE!"
You don't have much longer to wait to see ALL my photos, so I'm just sending a few today. :)
1-Me and the faithful Relief Society sisters of Concepcion Rama 1
2-The Indian Tower (a monument to the native Paraguayans) that we visited today
3-Me with the Centro behind me (taken from the top of the humongous Virgin statue!)
4-Me with one of our favorite member families (can we talk about the sassiness of the girl sitting behind me? She's so funny!)
Sorry for the lack of details, but I need to give you SOME reason to make you excited to see me this weekend. :)
---Carly
No comments:
Post a Comment